What Doesn't Kill You
by TheMortician'sDaughter
Summary: Tony's drinking more than usual, and an uncontrollable accident in his garage ends in Pepper getting hurt. Tony doesn't know how to deal with himself, and has no idea how he can ever make it up to her. Tony/Pepper/Bruce.
1. Chapter 1

Just like usual, Tony had his music blaring loud enough that he wouldn't have to hear the clink of ice in his glass.

He didn't know why he cared, honestly. It wasn't as if he didn't see the golden liquid slowly rising in the transparent crystal or feel that familiar burn as it slid down his throat, and after a while he was too far gone to even notice which bottle he'd grabbed or what song was filtering out of the speakers. Maybe he cared because he always thought it was ridiculous when people slapped the _raging alcoholic _label on him (because really, _raging _was definitely the wrong adjective), or because it reminded him too much of the echoes of that same clink of ice in a glass he used to hear from the kitchen when he was just a boy. Or maybe it was Pepper. And Bruce. God, it was _definitely _Pepper and Bruce.

That wasn't something Tony would ever admit, though.

He wouldn't even admit it when he was so far from sober that he could barely see straight, when _drunk _wasn't even a strong enough word to describe it. He wouldn't ever dare say that to either of them even when he was completely, utterly, disgustingly _wasted, _just like he was right now.

Maybe that was stupid of him.

But, well… Tony did a lot of stupid things when he wasn't himself.

Like right now.

"Oh, shit, god – what the, how the fuck, Pep… dammit, _Pepper._"

The floor was black and scattered with metal and glass from whatever the hell had just blown up in his garage, and god, there was so much_ red. _Red. Everywhere. Not just that soft, vibrant strawberry blonde hair that he would have given anything to see fanned out across the floor right then, but a deep, vivid crimsonthat was slowly seeping from he didn't know where on Pepper's body because he was just _too damn drunk _to figure it out. He didn't even know if she was still conscious or not, mostly because he was just barely clinging to the last strings of consciousness himself, and he could feel himself slipping as he stumbled towards her on the floor, the cool tile meeting his hands just seconds later.

"J – Jarvis, get… call that place, whatever the hell it is, you need to…" Thank the god Tony didn't believe in that Jarvis was smart enough to understand his drunken slurs. "Bruce. _Bruce. _Get Bruce, he… fuck, _fuck, _blood's all over, this is gross… _Bruce._"

That blood was the last thing Tony saw before he blacked out completely.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Pepper heard when she came to was the slow and thankfully steady beeping of a heart monitor. It was just a little too loud and just piercing enough that it almost made her wince, the shrill staccato of the beeps echoing too much around her already pounding head.

Her eyes were already closed, but she still squeezed them tighter anyway. She tried to tune out that _stupid, _irritating beeping so she could focus on remembering where she was or figuring out why something tugged on her arm when she tried to move it, but then she heard a soft rustle of fabric next to her and felt the pressure of warm, rough fingers around her own.

"Careful, love."

That wasn't Tony. She knew it in a split second. It wasn't his voice, didn't have that constant undercurrent of dripping sarcasm and wasn't exactly as clean-cut from years spent in front of the public. Tony didn't call her that, either. He always called her _Pep _or _honey _and… well, some other things that she wouldn't repeat outside the bedroom, but there was only one person who called her _love, _and that person was Bruce. She could tell by the gentle rasp in his voice and the heat of his skin, because for some reason he always ran a little warmer than Tony did.

Pepper forced herself to peel her eyes open and look at him, except for the first moment or two it wasn't him she saw – it was some kind of blinding, pristine white that even looked sterilized by the disinfectant she could detect in the air. After a few rapid blinks and a second to adjust, her eyes found the rough bed sheets draped over her and the thick needle in her skin just above the edges of a bandage, then she found Bruce, worry drawn into his face like a carving in stone.

Great. She was in a hospital.

_What the hell happened?_

"Why am I here?" she managed to ask, narrowing her eyes slightly in the bright light. Her voice came out soft and scratchy, her normal confident ring of professionalism nowhere to be found in her four tiny words, and she almost cringed at how awful she sounded.

"You don't remember," Bruce said simply, nearly huffing out one of those dry, humorless chuckles of his. "Of course you don't remember, you were out cold for a while there. There was, uh…" he shrugged one of his shoulders, clearly giving himself a moment to figure out how to explain while he rubbed his thumb gently over the back of her hand. "There was an accident. Tony was drinking," he decided not to mention that Tony had been drinking _more than usual,_ "and there was a bit of an accident in his garage. You got caught up in it, unfortunately, but… you're going to be okay, I promise. Just a few scrapes, maybe a slight concussion… there's a pretty nasty wound on your shoulder from some glass, but it'll heal. You'll be fine."

Pepper didn't quite know why he felt the need to keep reassuring her that she'd be fine. Of course she'd be fine; she was _Pepper Potts, _she didn't really have any other choice. Everything else could be falling apart at the seams, Tony could be falling apart, hell, _she _could be falling apart, but she would always be _okay. _She had to be.

But that fleeting pass of Tony's name through her hazy brain suddenly made her realize that he wasn't beside her. A quick glance at her surroundings told her that he wasn't even in the room or outside the door, and her brow furrowed. "Where is he?"

Bruce hesitated, and that little pause made Pepper's heart almost skip a beat. She would have felt it anyway, but the rather noticeable hiccup in the rhythm of the heart monitor in the background clearly compelled Bruce to not stay quiet any longer. "I don't know," he answered, simply and honestly. "He came in here with me at first, but then he left. Told me to stay here with you, so I did. I don't think he could have gone far, though."

It was Pepper's turn to pause. Part of her was touched that Bruce had stayed, and of course he did, because he was Bruce Banner and he was definitely one of the most openly selfless and caring people she'd ever had the pleasure of knowing – she also knew that he loved her and she loved him too, even if they hadn't quite admitted it yet. The other part, though, almost wished he hadn't stayed. Tony probably needed Bruce more than she did at the moment, the fact that he wasn't even in the room or maybe even the building said that well enough. _Tony _was the one who was very obviously broken right now, she knew that without even having to see him, and unlike Pepper, a few bandages and a couple days of rest wasn't going to fix him.

"He's blaming himself," Pepper stated simply, and Bruce's silence was enough to tell her that she was right. "You need to go find him," she added a moment or so later, "you don't need to be with me right now."

"Of course I need to be with you," Bruce countered, holding her hand a little bit tighter in his, "you're hurt."

Pepper managed to give him a wry smile. "I'm fine, Bruce," she said, leaving no room for argument. "Tony isn't. And he obviously doesn't want to talk to me right now, but he'll probably talk to you."

There were a few seconds of silence while Bruce seemed to have an internal argument with himself until he eventually sighed softly, nodding like he always did when he knew Pepper was right (it was something they all saw so often that it was almost amusing). "Alright," he agreed, "I'll go look for him. But if anything happens to you, my butt will be right back here in this chair, okay?"

"Okay," Pepper said, just the slightest traces of a laugh in her raspy voice. "Thank you, Bruce."

Bruce smiled at her, not quite wide enough for the corners of his eyes to crinkle in that adorable way she and Tony both loved, but enough that she knew he meant it. He slowly stood from his chair and leaned towards her, giving her hand a final squeeze while he placed a tender kiss on her forehead. "You're welcome, love."


	3. Chapter 3

Bruce had been right, and Tony hadn't gone very far.

In fact, he'd just gone out to where the car was parked in the terribly designed and seriously overpriced parking garage (okay, sure, he was a billionaire, but eight dollars to park a car was just _ridiculous_), and thankfully Bruce had chosen to take the car with tinted windows back while Tony had been working on thinking straight again.

Well, he still wasn't exactly thinking straight. But this time it wasn't the alcohol.

Tony had been just about to start counting the seams in the smooth leather seating for about the sixth time before he heard the front door on the driver's side swing open. He didn't even panic for the briefest of seconds, because what was left of his sanity knew that the car would have automatically shut out anyone who wasn't authorized to be near it, so he couldn't say he was surprised to hear Bruce's quiet voice when he poked his head inside.

"There you are," the scientist sighed, sounding more relieved than was probably necessary. He looked towards where Tony was sitting in the backseat of the car, most of his face shrouded in darkness from the tint of the windows and the already dim garage around them. "Mind if I join you?" Tony didn't bother with an answer, which prompted Bruce to just shrug and slide into the other side of the backseat beside the inventor.

"Pepper's doing just fine," Bruce started, watching Tony's eyes as they traced the back of the car seat in front of him. One of his legs was pulled up in front of him, tucked in towards his chest with his arm resting over his knee, just barely shading the soft glow of the arc reactor. "She woke up a little while ago. The injuries aren't too bad and she doesn't seem to be in that much pain, but… you know how stubborn she can be about that kind of thing." He smiled slightly, trying to prompt the same expression out of Tony despite knowing that he would fail. The reassurance that Pepper was okay was nice, though. Tony appreciated that, even if it didn't make him feel any better about the whole situation. "How… how are you, Tony?"

Tony almost snorted in reply. How was _he? _He was any number of things right at that moment; horrible, raw, senseless, _guilty. _Honestly, he actually still felt a little drunk, which really wasn't helping anything about this whole fuck-up of a life he had because Pepper was inside that building wrapped up in bandages and hooked up to god knows what, and it was _his fault, _because that little buzz he was feeling right now had been so much more, _too _much more, just last night.

"I'm an asshole, Bruce. That's how I am."

That's how the rest of the world viewed him, anyway. Narcissistic, senseless, selfish asshole who never fought for anything but himself. Sure, maybe some people thought he was a hero, but he didn't – he couldn't, not with all of that piled on top of it. Bruce didn't see him like that, though, and neither did Pepper. Normally that would have been enough, but not now, not after he'd hurt the only woman he'd ever been able to truly love out of a ridiculous act of selfishness, just because he'd been too stubborn to actually talk about what was bothering him, choosing to drown it all in something highly alcoholic instead. Yeah, he was an asshole, and maybe those few beats of silence from Bruce was the man finally realizing the truth.

"Sometimes," Bruce finally responded, a smile with the slightest trace of humor quirking at the corner of his mouth. "Sometimes you are. You can be an asshole to reporters and Fury and government officials, which is understandable." He turned his gaze and little smile onto Tony, reaching across the seat to find his hand. "But you're not to me or Pepper. Definitely not Pepper. If you were she wouldn't have asked about you and made me come and find you."

"I hurt her." Tony couldn't have put it any more bluntly than that. He picked up a stray CD case he'd left sitting on the seat next to him, turning it over between his hands just for some kind of distraction. "I got so drunk, really fucking _drunk, _and I hurt her. It's a pretty asshole-ish thing to do, hurt your girlfriend when you're drunk."

"Tony." Bruce exhaled a long sigh through his nose, shaking his head slightly while he scooted closer to the other man. He stayed far enough away that their sides weren't quite touching, but he reached out an arm to set it around Tony's shoulders and hoped his presence was comforting. "Tony, Tony, Tony." Bruce's lips pressed into a thin line as he thought about how to best approach this. He leaned over a little more and rested his chin on Tony's shoulder, inhaling the familiar scent of his cologne that somehow hadn't faded throughout the hectic events of the day. "_You _didn't hurt her," he started again, "whatever exploded in your garage hurt her. It wasn't _you, _because we all know that you would never do anything like that. It's not _your _fault."

"Don't make excuses, Banner," Tony replied bitterly, "I shouldn't have even been drinking."

"No, you probably shouldn't have."

"She shouldn't have been down there, either."

"She was just checking on you. She was worried when you didn't come up to bed."

Tony didn't have a response for that one. Well, of course she was worried. That was one of the things Pepper did best, in her own guarded, professional way. Worrying about him had more or less been in her job description for all of the years she'd been his PA, and she _still _was worrying about him to this day, when right now that was the last thing she should have been doing. "I should just quit," he finally muttered, squeezing the CD case between his fingers so tightly that the plastic almost cracked.

"Quit what?" Bruce asked quietly, almost worriedly, just because the tone of Tony's voice had him a little concerned.

"Drinking."

Bruce puffed a small sigh of relief, hoping Tony didn't notice. That was certainly a better answer than he'd been expecting. "Maybe you should," he offered with a little shrug, "but that's a choice you have to make yourself. We'll help you, but that's your decision, Tony."

Tony just _humph_ed in agreement, not exactly sure what to do with himself. If he wasn't in such a bitter state of mind, maybe he would have shifted a little closer to Bruce, leaned into his arm and maybe kissed him, but for now he just stayed slumped against the car seat with his gaze cemented to the back of the seat in front of him. He could feel Bruce's gaze on the side of his face, almost see him from the corner of his eye, but he still didn't do much to act on anything.

"Do you want to come back in with me and see Pepper?" Bruce said after about another minute of quiet frankly uncomfortable silence.

Tony barely hesitated before he answered a simple, "no."

"Any reason why?"

Tony just shrugged, accidentally bumping Bruce's chin in the process. "I don't like that gross disinfectant smell. Makes me gag."

Bruce knew for a fact that wasn't the real reason, but he let it slide. He could still see the traces of guilt behind Tony's eyes, which made him realize that maybe, just for now, it was the better choice.

"Okay."


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm sorry, Pep."

Thankfully, the doctors let Pepper go home the day after. She wasn't generally a restless person, but she could only take sitting in a hospital bed for so long before she started to go a little insane, mostly because she was just _fine _and had too much work to do and really, her shoulder would heal on its own.

But of course she had to go and get mildly concussed, so she was still on bed rest for a couple days anyway. At least it wasn't in that hard and scratchy hospital bed and there wasn't such a thing as visiting hours, so she supposed she could deal with it. The sling her left arm was stuck in wouldn't exactly help her work, either.

Then Tony had come by, and suddenly none of that really mattered.

"I'm really sorry."

He was standing in the doorway when Pepper looked up at him, most of his expression blank except for the guilt and apology she could see in those big, inky eyes of his. It was a rare look on Tony, or maybe just for people who couldn't read him like a book like Pepper could.

"Honestly, Pep. It was so, so stupid of me – I know I do stupid stuff a lot, _you _know I do, but this one just… this one tops it. I don't know how I can make this up to you. Or if I even can. I don't know. Your choice."

Pepper always acted like she was annoyed by Tony's rambling, but truthfully, it always assured her that he meant what he was saying. Tony was a man of many words, and it was both a blessing and a curse for everybody involved.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

Pepper didn't really know why she wasn't saying anything. There were certainly plenty of things to say, some better than others – she could comfort him, tell him it wasn't his fault and that she forgave him; she could scold him for being so irresponsible (sadly, that's probably the one he was expecting); she could concede and admit that no, the whole thing was actually _her _fault and he had nothing to be sorry for, or hell, she could just kiss him like she was absolutely dying to right now. But he was too far away across the room, and she couldn't get much out of her mouth apart from a question he probably didn't want to answer.

"Why didn't you stay at the hospital with me?"

Tony blinked and looked away, successfully hiding whatever kind of shame had slipped into his dark eyes. "Because I couldn't stand to look at what I did to you."

Oh.

That stung.

"Tony." She said his name gently and nonthreateningly, just to let him know that she wasn't angry with him. By all means she probably should have been, it _had _been a stupid move on both of their parts, but the traces of the expression she could see on Tony's face brought out that soft and sympathetic side of her that she'd worked for years to keep hidden underneath a mask of pure professionalism. "Come sit with me, please?"

For a few seconds, Tony actually looked like he was about to leave. He just stayed standing in the doorway, almost seeming like he was afraid to touch her, like he would just break her more if he did. That wasn't a look she wanted to see on him – not now, not ever. Eventually, though, he walked towards the bed and sat on the edge next to Pepper, and she hoped that meant he realized that she wasn't broken, and even if she had been, it wasn't because of him.

Pepper stayed seated comfortably on the mattress while she waited for Tony to get settled beside her. He was still keeping his distance, something that was definitely unusual for him, and Pepper wanted to close it but she figured that maybe it wasn't a great idea right now. Instead she reached out her hand that wasn't stuck in a sling and rested her palm on Tony's knee, trying to show him without words that it was okay.

"You know, Pep, back when you were my PA I used to wonder how you dealt with me every day without losing it," Tony started, the corner of his mouth actually quirking into a little smile. "That's probably easy compared to this, huh?"

Pepper just shrugged a little in reply and squeezed his knee. "There isn't much of a difference," she replied easily, "all that's changed is that now we just make out a lot more," she joked weakly.

"And sleep together."

"That, too."

"And Bruce."

"Yes, and Bruce."

Tony turned his gaze back onto her at that comment, his shoulders slumped, but not in that normal, deliberate way that for some reason he always thought made him look looser. "I'm sorry I'm such an ass, Pepper."

With Tony, getting him to apologize was usually like pulling teeth. He either didn't want to admit he'd been wrong or he was just too stubborn to get the words out because he thought it made him look _vulnerable _or something like that, but the words this time slipped off his tongue without a fight. To say the least, Pepper was a little surprised, but the look on Tony's face and in his eyes erased the feeling almost immediately.

"Thank you for apologizing," Pepper said gently, rubbing her hand lightly along his upper leg, "but not for being an ass."

"Then what am I supposed to apologize for?" Tony asked, almost sounding frustrated since he seemed to think that she hadn't or wasn't going to forgive him. "What am I supposed to _do,_ Pepper? How do you want me to make this up to you?"

Pepper sighed softly, lifting her hand from his knee to brush a lock of hair behind her ear. Well, there was that typical exterior of his that had taken years and years for her to even begin to crack. "You don't need to make it up to me, Tony," she said, giving him a pointed glance to tell him to let her finish. "I don't want you to. I just want you to stop blaming yourself, because you don't need to. Okay?" She could tell that Tony probably didn't believe her, but that wasn't anything out of the ordinary. He was a tough man to convince.

Pepper decided to scoot a little closer to Tony when he didn't seem to be responding. She wanted nothing more than to just put her arms around him and hold him tight until he believed her, but she really only had access to her right arm so she figured that would do. She folded her legs beneath her and pressed against his side, draping her arm over his front and setting her head in the crook between his neck and shoulder. For a few moments he didn't move and it was just Pepper hanging onto him, holding him like she'd never let go if she didn't have to, until she felt Tony's arms finally slide around her and anchor around her back.

"I never wanted to hurt you," Tony murmured, and even though the sentiment was unnecessary, it was still appreciated. "If there's anything I could undo, it would be every time I've hurt you."

Pepper felt herself break inside just a little more at Tony's words. She kept her head tucked against his shoulder and slid her hand up a bit to comb her fingers through the back of his hair, tangling in the soft strands. "I don't," she replied quietly, gently rubbing the back of his neck. "Things happen, Tony. We're all going to hurt each other at some point. You, me, Bruce. All of us. It's nobody's fault, and we're going to forgive each other, because that's the only way this is ever going to work. This is progress, right?" She lifted her head to meet his gaze, but had to nudge his face towards hers to even get him to look remotely in her direction.

"I guess," he muttered, still sounding unsure, "but that's not going to stop me from still feeling like an -"

"Tony." Pepper cut him off abruptly, a little firmer than she has before, since she knew exactly where he was going with that. "Don't. Please. I can't control what you think about yourself, but please, don't. This could have been so much worse than it actually was, you don't have any reason to keep beating yourself up for it. Maybe, yes, I wish you hadn't been drinking as much, but it's over, and I forgive you. _I forgive you._"

Before Tony could protest and try to find a way to make Pepper regret her forgiveness, she turned his head towards hers again and closed the distance between their lips, kissing him long and hard like she'd been aching to for days. He didn't push her away or break the embrace, so Pepper took that as him telling her that he wanted it too, and that just maybe he'd realized that he deserved to be forgiven.

After a few moments they had to break apart, both staying close enough that they were breathing in each other's air. Tony's hands were warm at Pepper's waist and her hand was still tangled in his hair, a small grin on her lips that looked almost stupid with pleasure. "Have I ever told you," Tony started, his voice just barely above a murmur, "that I'm really, _really _glad you're not my PA anymore?"

Pepper actually laughed a little bit at that. Yeah, she was really glad too, maybe a little too much. "I love you, Mr. Stark," she replied, leaning forward to press her forehead against his.

"I love you too, Miss Potts," Tony returned effortlessly, just before he did his very best to kiss her breathless.


End file.
